Who do you think you are?

This post is sparked by a podcast of a Coach on Call with Cheryl Richardson - broadcast on Hay House Radio - if you haven't discovered Hay House and indeed the joys of podcasting, then may I suggest that you do? You can then have an ipod (or other mp3, I'm not fussy, ok, I am) full of inspirational programmes from Cheryl and others. Debbie Ford is also kick ass. I digress.

This particular person calling Cheryl for advice seemed to have issues with people wherever she went. No matter where she lived or who she was with, the same things came up again and again. And she couldn't understand it at all. However, what came out or it, and Cheryl's recommendation to her, was that she may not be coming across as who she thought she was. As otherwise, where would all of these problems relating to others come from? No matter where you go, there you are! You are the common denominator.

So does this mean when we have problems with others it's ALL OUR FAULT?!

No...

However. It might be. Consider it. Think of the kinds of situations where you might get into conflict. What's happening? In the last 3 relationships (colleagues, romantic, friends etc) that you had difficulties with, was there a common theme? Who were you BEING with those people? take an outsiders view and replay some of those conversations. Who ARE you?

In confrontation (or otherwise!) when people criticise you or call your shortcomings, what are they saying? Do people accuse you of the same things? For years, people told me I was stroppy. And I didn't believe them. I chose to believe that I was spirited and that these people just couldn't deal with my frankness. Yeah, right! I was err... stroppy actually when it came down to it! (still can be from time to time as it happens!)And choosing a different reality for myself didn't make the conflicts any less. It probably made it worse as I wasn't addressing my behaviour. And behind that, I wasn't looking at the part of me that was stroppy and wondering why she did it. I actually now embrace my stroppiness at times as it comes in handy. It's the bit of me that doesn't take any s**t from people. But I also recognise that in 95% of situations, its not the only or even the best response. I also know that stroppiness is defensiveness in another outfit and that comes from lack of security in certain situations and with certain people. Now I know this, I can do something about it.

It's back to that old favourite of mine, responsibility. It's YOUR responsibility to have as productive, respectful and honest relationships with others as you can, because life is so much easier when you do. And it's hard to do that when you are not sure of how you are coming across and are avoiding looking at the parts of you that you would rather dismiss. But as ever, the beauty of taking responsibility is that it also puts you back in control. Because when we're stroppy or cold or difficult or aggressive, we are not in control.

Try it. You might like it.